Feeling numb: someone to talk to when you can't feel anything

Do one small thing before the motivation shows up

Behavioral activation means scheduling small, meaningful activities and doing them before you feel like it, rather than waiting for the feeling. A meta-analysis of 26 randomized trials with 1,524 people found it reduced depression more than control conditions, though most of the studies were of low quality. ⁶ NIMH's advice for depression also includes doing things you used to enjoy even when you don't feel like it. ¹

1. Pick one activity that used to matter to you, or one you'd do for someone you care about. Keep it small: 10 minutes, not an afternoon.
2. Put it at a specific time today or tomorrow.
3. Do it without waiting to want to. Expect it to feel flat at first.
4. Afterward, rate it from 0 to 10 for enjoyment and for sense of accomplishment. A 2 counts.
5. Add one more small activity the next day.

Find one strong sensation

Grounding through the senses, like holding ice or playing loud music, is one of the techniques used for detachment and unreality, because strong sensations are hard to ignore and pull your attention into the present moment. ⁷

1. Hold an ice cube, or run cold water over your wrists for a minute.
2. Taste something strong: a mint, a slice of lemon, something spicy.
3. Press your feet into the floor and name five things you can see.
4. Notice anything at all, even cold or irritation, without judging whether it's the right feeling.

Look for the faint feeling

Research on emotion differentiation, describing feelings in precise terms rather than just "bad" or "nothing," suggests people who can do this tend to cope better with distress. Much of that research is correlational. ⁸ Checking for something faint, instead of waiting for something strong, gives you a place to start.

1. Two or three times a day, pause and ask, "If there were a feeling here, what would it be?"
2. Go finer than good or bad: bored, heavy, restless, irritated, wistful, tired, a flicker of relief.
3. Rate it from 0 to 10. A 1 is information.
4. Write the word down. After a week, look back at whether anything has moved.

Reach out to one person

Talking to people you trust about how you feel is part of NIMH's self-care advice for depression, and withdrawing from friends and family is itself one of its signs. ¹ Reaching out pushes back against that slide.

1. Pick one person who's easy to be around, not the one you most need to impress.
2. Send something short and honest: "I've been feeling flat lately. Want to get coffee or take a walk this week?"
3. You don't have to explain it well. "I feel numb" is enough.
4. If talking feels like too much, do something side by side, like cooking or watching a game.

Check your sleep, alcohol and other substances

Sleep loss has a large effect on positive mood. ⁵ NIMH advises avoiding alcohol, nicotine and drugs when you're depressed, ¹ and cannabis and some other drugs can bring on feelings of detachment and unreality. ⁷

1. For a week, jot down roughly when you fell asleep, when you woke and how much you drank or used.
2. Keep a steady wake-up time, even after a bad night.
3. Notice whether you reach for alcohol or cannabis to get through the evening, and how you feel the next day.
4. If cutting back feels hard, talk to a doctor rather than going it alone. If you drink heavily every day, don't stop suddenly. Withdrawal can be dangerous, so plan it with a doctor. ⁹

Why can't I cry, even when something sad happens?

People cry very differently, and not crying on its own doesn't mean something is wrong. It's worth paying attention when it comes with a wider flatness, loss of interest or feeling detached from yourself for weeks, because those are reasons to check in with a doctor. ¹

Will the numbness go away?

Often, though it depends on the cause. Most people with depression benefit from treatment, ¹ and depersonalization can fade without treatment. ⁷ Numbness that hasn't shifted in a few weeks is a reason to get help rather than wait it out.

Can you feel numb and anxious at the same time?

Yes. Feelings of unreality and detachment are frequently reported by people with panic disorder, ¹⁰ and anxiety and depression often come along with depersonalization. ⁷ Feeling both wound up and far away at once is a known combination, and worth mentioning to a doctor.

How do I explain feeling numb to someone close to me?

Keep it plain: "I'm not sad exactly. I just can't feel much, and things I used to like don't do anything for me." Then say what would help, like company without questions, help booking an appointment, or a walk. You don't need to know the cause to ask for that.